How to get what you want from your employer, before you start looking elsewhere.

I am often the first port of call for frustrated talent, feeling they have no choice but to start looking elsewhere. But believe it or not, my advice is often to go back and have a conversation upwards to try and resolve things first.  

A suggestion of how things could be done differently. A chance to share ideas, talk about self-development, getting a pay rise, bigger projects, more ownership, a proper seat at the table, an “actual conversation”. These are the most common complaints from high performers that I hear every day.

For many, these conversations only start when you’ve already made the decision to leave and often when there is job offer on the table. 

By that point, you’re frustrated, you’ve mentally checked out, and you’re focused on finding something new. The thing is what you’re asking for isn’t always unachievable. It just hasn’t been clearly communicated. At other times perhaps it can’t be implemented, but it would be nice to be heard and to get feedback. 

If you’re in that place now – not quite ready to move on but feeling like something needs to change – here’s how to open the conversation in a way that gives you the best chance of getting what you want. 

Be specific about what you’re asking for 

Saying you want to feel more valued doesn’t help your manager know what to do next. 

What does that mean in practical terms? A salary review? More opportunities to shape the team. Maybe you’d like to contribute more in terms of training or recruitment. “Would you feel more motivated if you had a new opportunity to learn or a clear path to progression? Ask yourself, on a scale of 1–10, how satisfied am I? And what could be done to bridge the gap?” What is the difference between a great career and a job for you? And why are these things important.  

And if you’re struggling with this, schedule a call with me, it’s what I do. I offer a free career audit for senior sales and leadership professionals that might help you on your way.  A good leader should want to take the time to understand these things about you, in order to retain you long term and if they don’t maybe that’s a clue that your instinct to look elsewhere is the right one 

You don’t need a ten-stage career plan, but you do need clarity. Be honest with yourself about what’s missing and what would make the difference. 

Back it up with facts, not just feelings 

If you want more money, come with salary and performance data. If you want a step up, show how you’ve already been performing at that level and what value you think you can bring to your boss and your peers. 

Think about results, not responsibilities. The more evidence you bring, the easier it is for your boss to justify the change, not just to themselves, but to the wider business too. 

I haven’t met a CEO or MD yet that likes being backed into a corner, but most will respond well to a calm, logical case. 

Network  

Make sure your ambition is known by the wider leadership team and take time to build strong connections with other departments.  

Volunteer for projects and go to socials. 

Apply for jobs internally, even if you don’t think you have a chance, it’s the best way to get spotted and recognised as someone that wants to get on 

Pick the right moment 

This part is more important than people think. Timing can make or break a conversation. 

Don’t launch into it during a stressful week or when your boss is rushing between board meetings. Budget time is never a good time.  Ask for time in advance and  frame it properly. 

Something like, “I’ve been thinking about my development and where I’m heading. Would now be a good time to talk about that?” gives your boss a heads-up and sets a better tone. 

Be prepared to ask more than once but make it clear that you are serious about scheduling a meeting. And if it gets to a third time let them know calmly and politely how much time has passed and how keen you are to move forward. 

If you need to, let them know that you’ve been approached about another position which you don’t want to pursue but you have got some questions about your future that you’d like to ask.  Tell them that you respect them and the last thing you want to do is to announce one day that you’re leaving when you haven’t given your own manager the chance to talk about things first. 

Keep it constructive 

This isn’t a confrontation. It’s a conversation. 

Tell them what’s working. Tell them what you’re proud of. Then be honest about what you want more of, and why it matters. 

You’re not just asking for a raise or a new job title, you’re inviting your employer to invest in your future and you’re presenting it in a way that means it will contribute to the results of the company. Keep it professional, and open. 

Know what to do if the answer is no 

Not every request will be agreed straight away. That’s fine. Ask what would need to happen for things to change. Agree with a timeframe to revisit it. 

But if the answer is always “not now” or “we’ll see”, you’ve got the clarity you need. You’re not being unreasonable; the company just may not be willing or able to give you what you want. 

That’s when it might be time to look elsewhere. 

You don’t have to leave to move forward 

Sometimes, staying is the right move. You just need a fresh conversation and a plan. 

But if you’ve asked for the right way, and the business still isn’t listening, at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot.  

Whether the result is a better role, better recognition, or the decision to take your skills somewhere new, you’re in control. 

And that’s the real goal. 

If you’d like a free career audit or help with a conversation like this, get in touch, I’ll be happy to help.